That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
