walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
