i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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