Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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