What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
