My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
