he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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