When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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