apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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