YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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