Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
