Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He did a backflip because drugs
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
