Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
