Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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