Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
