Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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