I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
