I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
