why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
