Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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