Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
So squirting runs in the family.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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