I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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