Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
