A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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