He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Dignity is for republicans.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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