i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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