i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
