just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
