he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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