Ambien. No doubt about it.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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