Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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