i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
