This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
