he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
