he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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