I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
