dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
