Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
