You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
