Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
