i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
