that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
