had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
