Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I love you.
Bad choice
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