His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
