At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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