I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
