Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
