fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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