He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
